My dad had a saying I’ll never forget.

It has comforted me many times as I’ve stood looking down the barrel of yet another #PoorLifeChoice. I’m not a trainwreck; I’m a philanthropist.

Who knew all it took was 45 years of doing everything wrong to turn me into a wise old sage? I’ve self-sabotaged, chased dreams that didn’t belong to me, gotten swindled by charlatans and followed advice I hated “because he had a nice face.” I ran (and slipped on a banana peel and faceplanted spectacularly) so you could walk.

So, if you have big, audacious dreams in your heart and a voice in your head crying out that you’re meant for more, here are three things my experience has proven you should stop doing immediately.

Not Speaking Up

If you liked that stellar parenting example from my father, I’ve got another one for you.

Use your words.

I had a client who was always mad at his accountant. Over the many years we worked together, he went through at least seven different CPAs. He would rant and rave about how the new gal was driving him crazy, but when I asked him to sum up what he didn’t like, I never got a straight answer.

Because he didn’t know himself.

He hadn’t done the work to think about or verbalize what he needed, and therefore, no one ever met his expectations. How could they, when even he had no idea what they were?

You know the quickest way to not get what you want?

Don’t ask for it.

If you don’t express your desires, others can’t help you achieve them. Opportunities will pass you by because no one is thinking, “Hey, I ought to text Reader because I know they were looking for something just like this!”

The “failure to ask” problem is especially prevalent among women. It must be a holdover from the Patriarchal Parenting Handbook that states that good girls are seen and not heard. God forbid we ask for what we need to make our lives better.

A 2024 survey by Indeed found that 57% of women have never asked for a raise. We all wish bosses went around granting raises like nose boops from Glenda the Good Witch, but they don’t. Please start asking, and don’t ever stop.

I know it can feel scary. What if you ask for a promotion, and they laugh you out of the room? What if you try to set boundaries and your partner leaves you?

But you know what’s scarier?

Settling for mediocre instead of the incredible life you deserve simply because you didn’t use your words.

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And speaking of #PoorLifeChoices . . . I love the phrase "comedy of errors" because it describes my life in a nutshell. When this much goes THIS wrong, you just have to laugh. ​ Read story

Better Than Therapy When I discovered shadow work and witchcraft, I stopped going to therapy. Working with my unconscious mind just proved more effective. Existential Kink is my bible on doing just that. There is nothing you can't achieve with these tools for getting out of your own way. ​ Get the book

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