A writer's life is never boring... Think Walter Mitty falling down the rabbit hole—with a hearty dose of #PoorLifeChoices, which is an unfortunate side effect of being violently allergic to rules. ✦ Hi 👋🏼, I'm Jennie O'Connor. Allow me to entertain you with tales of rats in freezers, ass-less pants and flat-earther boyfriends.
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In 2018, I stopped wearing makeup because the man I was dating said I had an unhealthy need for social validation. (It's hard to read those words now and not set things on fire, in case you're wondering how I'm doing). But back then, keeping pace with LA's beautiful people had burned me out. Even at midnight, the local grocery - dubbed "Rock & Roll Ralphs" because the female patrons toddled down the aisle in four-inch stilettos and latex - was a pickup scene. After 15 years of that, 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 dude's misogyny somehow landed as permission to relax. A kindness. LOL It took many moons to return to my senses and realize that getting dolled up was never about them. It's about me. It's my confidence ritual. It's like doing power poses before a big presentation. Or listening to your Happiness Playlist on the way to a job interview. Or crafting an Accomplishments Board for a constant visual reminder of your own badassery. Looking good leads to feeling good. And wanting to feel good is not a flaw. That's why when I heard the term glamour vampire this week (British spelling because it's cooler), it was like a record scratch. Say more . . . my brain said, as it backed away from all other distractions to train its attention on the concept. Everyone online is always talking about "full-body f*ck yeahs," and that's what hearing this word was for me. I'm not entirely sure what it means, but vivid mental pictures make me think I might have a good idea. And it feels like the turned-up, turned-on embodiment of the person I denied for so many years. I imagine glamour vampires dress to the nines, always putting their best foot forward. I imagine they look bored. Because looking bored is chic. Alternatively, they might look blissfully drunk on the blood of their enemies. I imagine if glamour vampires did a brand photo shoot, customers would show up in droves. So the question becomes how can an ordinary human with sleep wrinkles who doesn't own a white pantsuit or have access to a toga-wearing 28-year-old get the same effect? The answers are in this week's article, How to Get the Brand Photo Shoot of Your Dreams. It turns out you don't have to be a glamour vampire to look like one. And that's good news because the upkeep is exhausting, yoga pants are the best and blood tastes like rusty nails. |
A writer's life is never boring... Think Walter Mitty falling down the rabbit hole—with a hearty dose of #PoorLifeChoices, which is an unfortunate side effect of being violently allergic to rules. ✦ Hi 👋🏼, I'm Jennie O'Connor. Allow me to entertain you with tales of rats in freezers, ass-less pants and flat-earther boyfriends.